Saturday 31 March 2012

A Killing Smoke

        All smokers actually are in danger. They are closing to death because of smoking. Now in this era, there are so much teenagers that start smoking.
        But, from that information, we got one question. The question is why the teenagers smoking? First of all, the reason why teenagers smoking that I could think is they may want to look mature by smoking. This is because many adult are smoking and the teenagers follow them. Next, they maybe smoking because of their peer pressure. We always want doing something together with our friend and that is why a teenager pressuring his friend to smoking together. Besides that, a teenager always have a feeling to try something new. That is why teenagers start to smoking because it is new to them.
        All smokers are in danger because of the effect of smoking. Smoking can effect the physical and health of smokers. The physical effect is the smokers will get yellowish stain on their fingers and teeth. This will make their appearance looks bad. Their breath also smells bad. Next, facial wrinkles will appear on their face at an early age and make looks like old man. The effect of smoking on health of smoker is it can cause cancer of throat, mouth, lungs, and more. This cancer may bring them to death. Nicotine and carbon monoxide in cigarettes are dangerous. Nicotine can cause addicted to smokers and carbon monoxide will reduces blood capacity to carry oxygen Besides that, smoking will increase heart rate.
        As we know that smoking is really dangerous, so we must not or stop smoking. I have a few suggestion to stop smoking. First, you can reduce cigarette slowly. For example, if you smoke once in a day, you can start to smoke once in two days, and then once in a week and continue reducing until you stop smoking. You also can take ni-quit-in, a new brilliant product to stop smoking and follow the schedule that given when you buy it. So now, you should set a date to stop smoking.
        Smoking not only endanger the smoker himself, it also could impact this country. How is it happen? It is because when the teenagers smoking, there will be no one who will bring our beloved country to national sage. So, lets not or stop smoking to make this country in peace, harmony and safe.

4 comments:

  1. Good Hazim
    i will correct some grammatical mistakes later ok!
    =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Corrections:

    1) Now in this era, there are so much teenagers that start smoking.

    Now, in this era, there are so many teenagers who start smoking..
    teenager is countable noun..so, use 'many' instead of 'much'..
    teenager is a human..so, use 'who' instead of 'that'.

    2) Next, they maybe smoking because of their peer pressure.

    Next, they are smoking because of the peer pressure..or maybe you can change the sentence like this:-

    In addition, this probably occurs due to the peer pressure

    3) We always want doing something together with our friend and that is why a teenager pressuring his friend to smoking together.

    We always want to do something together with our friends and that is why a teenager forces his friends to smoke together.

    after 'to', use root word..no 'ing' ok

    3)Besides that, a teenager always have a feeling to try something new

    Besides that, a teenager always has a feeling to try something new

    remember subject verb agreement.. a teenager is a singular noun..so, use 'has' instead of 'have'..has for singular, have for plural

    4)Smoking can effect the physical and health of smokers.
    Smoking can affect the physical and health of smokers..

    'effect' means kesan, affect means mempengaruhi.. if you want to use effect, change the sentence like this;-

    Smoking can give bad effect to the physical and health of smokers

    5) The effect of smoking on health of smoker is it can cause cancer of throat, mouth, lungs, and more

    many more, not merely 'more'..hehe

    6) Carbon monoxide will reduces blood
    Carbon monoxide will reduce blood.......after 'will', use root word ok..

    7) As we know that smoking is really dangerous
    As we know, smoking is really dangerous..no need to put 'that' ok

    8) I have a few suggestion to stop smoking.
    i have a few suggestions on how to stop smoking.. put 's' at the back of the word suggestion cz it indicates plurality. i change the sentence to make it grammatically correct..=)

    9) First, you can reduce cigarette slowly

    Use firstly or first of all..'first' is incorrect..hehe

    10) You also can take ni-quit-in,

    You CAN ALSO..not you also can..can comes first followed by also..

    11)Smoking not only endanger the smoker himself, it also could impact this country.
    I change the sentence like this
    It can also give negative implication to our country..

    p/s: Vary your sentence connectors. Use 'in addition', 'apart from that', 'Also', Not only that', 'Aside from that', 'Last but not least' and many more.

    ReplyDelete
  3. then many of our classmate is in dangerd too ! they're smokers.. huuuuuuu

    ReplyDelete